We Might Be Related Trailer – Transcript

By Emily Davis

Voices (in order of appearance)

Emily Davis, Host

Justine Witzke, Founder and CEO of Aligneage Fertility

Tammy D., Interviewee

Julie M., Interviewee

Emily Davis [Narration] 0:00

I’m several floors above Madison Avenue in a sleek medical office. This is Aligneage Fertility, a boutique sperm bank and fertility consultancy. Its founder and CEO, Justin Witzke is giving me a tour.

Justine Witzke 0:14

The two collection rooms connect directly to the laboratory. We have to exam rooms as well for donors who need physical exams.

Emily Davis [Narration] 0:22

One hallway ends in a door that reads: Medical Personnel Only. Inside is a sparse laboratory.

Justine Witzke 0:29

We store all of our specimens on site. We’re the ones who are monitoring the tanks, checking that the liquid nitrogen is where it needs to be, and that the samples are safe.

Emily Davis [Scene] 0:41

Wow, am I able to see the tank?

Justine Witzke 0:42

Sure.

Emily Davis [Scene] 0:45

I just wondered what that looked like.

Justine Witzke 0:46

Yes, right there.

Emily Davis [Scene] 0:48

Oh, wow.

Emily Davis [Narration] 0:50

There in the corner of the room, sitting on the floor or two barrels, they’re about the size and shape of a water cooler, the kind you’d see on the sidelines of a football game. Next to the barrels is a larger metal tank filled with liquid nitrogen. It’s an unassuming setup, but it contains multitudes.

Justine Witzke 1:12

So you could fit, I don’t know, probably eight to 900 vials, if every cane was full.

Emily Davis [Narration] 1:17

To be clear, that’s vials of sperm samples, filled with millions upon millions of little gametes suspended in time. Looking at the barrels and blown away by how much potential life they hold. They contain the beginnings of a family that someone out there longs for. It’s odd to feel emotional about a tank filled with sperm. But for me, this is a surreal moment.

Emily Davis [Scene] 1:40

Wow, that is so neat to see. I always, I always wondered what it looked like.

Justine Witzke 1:45

There it is.

Emily Davis [Scene] 1:46

Just a nice barrel.

[Justine laughs and fades out]

Emily Davis [Narration] 1:50

Aligneage Fertility represents a modern, personalized, honestly pretty bougie approach to sperm donation and fertility assistance. My personal interest in this industry comes from the fact that I am a product of it.

[Introductory synth tune fades in.]

Emily Davis [Narration] 2.07

I was conceived by a single mother who chose an anonymous sperm donor and underwent IVF – or in vitro fertilization – in 1997. But at one point in time, a part of me was in some version of those lineage tanks. An anonymous sperm donor essentially means that the donor and the parent don’t know each other. Who this donor is, and whether he fathered any other children, was meant to remain a mystery. Back in the 90s, I don’t think anyone involved in this process could have predicted the industry wide shake up of direct-to-consumer genetic testing.

Justine Witzke 2:42

I believe that 40 years ago, they genuinely thought that they could promise anonymity, right? Like I don’t think that it was malintended at the time. But of course, the field has changed so much. And the world has changed so much in that amount of time.

Emily Davis [Narration] 2:57

There was no way my mom could have anticipated that at 17, I’d be able to ask for an at-home genetic test kit. That I would find and speak to other genetic siblings that share my donor. That I’d have the tools at my disposal to find my donor Father, if I wanted to. Genetic testing products, paired with social media sleuthing and evolving laws, represent the effective end of anonymity in the fertility industry. And it’s pretty much up to the products of that industry, like myself, to figure out what that means. How will we navigate this unexpected connectedness?

[Synthy beat fades in.]

Emily Davis [Narration] 3:37

It’s become so easy and affordable for people to investigate their own genetics, that the American Society for Reproductive Medicine called for a term change in 2022. They’re no longer using the word anonymous. The new term is non identified.

Justine Witzke 3:54

Removal of the word anonymous is very appropriate in this day and age with direct to consumer genetic testing. The way that social media, and just like, the way the world is connected now. It doesn’t seem feasible to say we could ever promise someone anonymity.

Emily Davis [Narration] 4:15

I was born in 1998. But a key part of my story really started in 1981.

[80s-themed tune]

Emily Davis [Narration] 4:21

Prince Charles and Lady Diana get married

[Archival footage with audio: “A kiss, which receives a roar of approval from the crowd.”]

Emily Davis [Narration] 4:28

MTV hits the airwaves.

[Archival footage with audio: Welcome to MTV Music Television, the world’s first 24 hours stereo video music channel.]

Emily Davis [Narration] 4:37

And the first baby conceived through in vitro fertilization is born in the United States at the Jones Institute in Norfolk, Virginia.

[Archival footage with audio: “It’s a girl with those words Dr. Howard Jones announced the birth of the first American test tube baby Elizabeth Jordan Carr.”]

Emily Davis [Narration] 4:55

Fast forward to the late 90s. The anonymous IVF industry is growing. In 1997, my mom Tammy schedules an appointment at the Jones Institute. She wants to have her third child and she wants to do it on her own. She wants to use an anonymous donor.

Emily Davis [Scene] 5:11

Hi, mom.

Tammy Davis 5:13

Hi Emmy.

Emily Davis [Narration] 5:15

My mom has always been transparent about this. She started telling me an age appropriate version of events early on.

Tammy Davis 5:22

But by the time you were four or five, and asking questions and preschool and things like that, I kind of had, I was comfortable with the story. Because I told you so many times.

Emily Davis [Narration] 5:34

She was already a single mother of two, so she’d have to explain how I got there. Plus, apparently, I was really curious kid.

Emily Davis [Scene] 5:42

Do you remember any questions that I asked? Do you remember any specific times?

Tammy Davis 5:47

You were very inquisitive, and basically wanted to know if everyone was your father.

Emily Davis [Scene] 5:51

No, no, that’s not.

Tammy Davis 5:47

Yeah. Yes!

Emily Davis [Scene] 5:59

What do you mean?

Emily Davis [Narration] 6:00

I wanted to ask her why she chose anonymous IVF. And how she felt about that choice.

Tammy Davis 6:05

Yeah, it was really non traditional in the 90s and early 2000s. Like, I feel like it’s much more common now. But when I told, I was very scared to tell my family.

Emily Davis [Scene] 6:16

I wondered if she really knew at the time what she was signing up for.

Tammy Davis 6:20

But no, I did not feel prepared. I think that’s important, that we weren’t given books. We weren’t given articles. We weren’t giving – nothing to prepare. It was just… you want to have a baby. You’ve decided sperm donor’s the way to go… there you go.

Emily Davis [Scene] 6:39

There you go.

[Synth beat fades in]

Emily Davis [Narration] 6:42

Like a lot of donor conceived adults, I use the internet and genetic testing to learn more about myself. At 15. I signed up for the donor sibling registry at 18. I ordered a 23andme kit. And over the next few years donor siblings started coming out of the woodwork. I’d get an email from the registry or a notification from the website. Suddenly, I’d be swapping messages with someone from Illinois who shares half of my DNA. Some of my siblings have different stories than I do. Some of them only recently found out about being donor conceived. That includes my donor sibling, Julie.

Emily Davis [Scene] 7.21

Hello.

Julie Myers 7.22

Hi.

Emily Davis [Scene] 7.23

How are you? It’s so nice to finally talk to you.

Julie Myers 7.26

I know this is so nice.

Emily Davis [Narration] 7.28

We started emailing after Julie reached out to me in 2020. Julie is 26 and lives in Tinley Park, Illinois.

Julie Myers 7:35

I’m a Program Coordinator at a day program for adults with developmental disabilities. Absolutely loved my job. I’ve been there for about three years. I use they/them pronouns.

Emily Davis [Narration] 7:49

Their story, and the story of us meeting one another, represents how this end of anonymity is reshaping people’s experiences. Julia was conceived through both a sperm and an egg donor. And I had no idea until a few years ago.

Julie Myers 8:03

But I think I always knew that something was wrong. I remember being a little kid and learning how to hold my breath. So I could sneak into my parents room and find the firebox in the closet because I was like, there has to be paperwork here saying that I’m adopted. Like, you know, I have a twin brother, and we look alike. But I didn’t look like any of you know, my two other like social sisters or my parents.

Emily Davis [Narration] 8:32

Julie came upon the truth indirectly, through offhanded comments of older family members and increasingly direct questions put to their parents. Finally, they ordered a genetic testing kit.

Julie Myers 8:44

And so this was in the height of 2020. No one was leaving our house, I was unable to get a job at the time. So I secretly ordered a 23andme DNA kit. And I remember infiltrating the mail, the day it came in. And I, you know, took it and then I thought of some weird excuse to drive all the way to the post office in the middle of COVID to submit it. And then three days before my 23rd birthday, so it was June 23 of 2020. I see that my results are back. And I see Sierra’s, and I see your face. And I see that there’s someone else.

Emily Davis [Narration] 9:35

Julie read me their diary entries from around that time.

Julie Myers 9:39

On Tuesday, I got a notification from a DNA testing company 23 And me that my results were ready. All of these years I was right. And then I list your names and your birth dates and where you were born.

Emily Davis [Narration] 9:54

Julie had this phrase to describe their experience that really stuck with me.

Julie Myers 9:59

And suddenly there’s people walking around with my face. And that was, I guess, like unsettling but in like, a positive way, if that makes sense.

Emily Davis [Scene] 10:13

And it’s a great way to describe this whole experience unsettling in a positive way.

Emily Davis [Narration] 10:18

me that really encapsulates this unique experience of being donor conceived in this era of total connectivity, where I can send friend requests to people whose photos pop up next to mine on these websites, unsettling, but positive.

Julie Myers 10:36

I remember just not knowing what to do, there’s no manual, there’s no nothing to tell you what’s appropriate to do when you find this out. Because, you know, for all I knew, you guys took these tests, but you didn’t want to know, you know, the other people.

Emily Davis [Narration] 10:56

If things were different, Julie may very well have gone their entire life without knowing any of this. It’s a shame that the industry has taken so long to recognize the inherent needs of children they helped produce.

Julie Myers 11:09

I’m not asking the donors, you know, to be my parents. I don’t think any of us are. But you know, we have the right to know where we come from, why we look the way that we look, why we may like certain things so you know, if we are you know, if there is something hereditary that we might get or explains, you know, this that or the other thing. But it’s it’s so heartbreaking that we don’t know.

Emily Davis [Narration] 11:36

We don’t know how many times our donor was used, so we have no clue how many donor siblings we have. Right now, the tally is six, that I know of. I grew up with a really healthy, positive perspective on where I came from. But after talking to Julie, I feel like the legal regulation of the Wild West fertility industry is long overdue. For the sake of children and donors.

[Broadcast news report: “Colorado now the first state in the country to ban anonymous sperm and egg donations. Governor Polis signed that bill into law Tuesday.]

Emily Davis [Narration] 12:12

That 2022 legislation in Colorado gives donor children the right to learn their donors identity once they turn 18, as well as access their donors medical information before that. It also raises the age that men and women are allowed to donate to 21. A similar bill got introduced last year to the New York Senate. I’m glad the industry is inching away from the model of total anonymity, legally and culturally. In the end, though, I still think my mom made a positive choice for herself. And for me, in Julie’s words, unsettling the positive, I get a unique outlook on what family can be. And I get a growing network of familiar strangers who I’m connected to forever.

[Fading in, twinkling synth music]

Julie Myers 12:57

When it happens the way it did with me, for sure there’s an earthquake, but now I feel like the world is so much wider. Because I know these things, and we can have these connections. You know, and hopefully one day if a snow storm and COVID doesn’t get us, we’ll finally be able to have that meet up.

Emily Davis [Scene] 13:20

That would be really cool.

Julie Myers 13:21

Yeah, even this I’m so grateful for because we’re able to do it. And you know, all of us are comfortable enough to have these conversations, ask these questions, talk about these things. And I will always be so grateful that I found out because now I have these amazing people in my life.

Emily Davis [Scene] 13:45

Yeah, I feel the same. And it is so crazy that we didn’t like haven’t done this

[Twinkling synth music swells, fades out.]